I live in a state of insanity, one that the rest of the world knows as California. I've lived here all my life, first in San Francisco (huzzah!) and now in the Sacramento Valley (ugh). How I came to this sorry state of affairs is mostly a mystery to me, ah well.

California has much to recommend it, but there is always this undercurrent of madness. And I don't understand it. Like Assembly Bill 60. It starts off so well, but just goes straight to hell really, really fast. I understand the part about getting people a drivers license in the event that, for whatever reason, they don't have a social security number. Often these are lawful immigrants, who for one reason or another don't have that SSN. If the bill stopped there, no big deal.

But, no, it keeps grinding on until you realize it's a bill to allow illegal immigrants to get a California state driver's license. This is couched in language such as, "[t]he bill would require the department to issue a driver's license or identification card having a duration of 3 years to an applicant who does not have a social security number or is in the process of obtaining lawful immigration status from the United States Immigration and Naturalization Service."

This, of course, is the source of my confusion. How are they here if they don't have a "lawful immigration status"? Well, they're merely undocumented, what used to be known in a straight-forward and simple way as "illegal." And if they're illegal, what legal right do they have to ask for a driver's license?

For crying out loud, this is madness (see, a state of insanity!). They slip into the country illegally and we're now supposed to grant them a license to drive. What, as a reward, as some sort of perverse attaboy?!? "Hey, good sneak. Nicely done. Here ya go, drive like the wind!"

Wouldn't this put DMV into a rather, er, delicate position? I mean, here's a state employee having someone walk up to them and proclaim, "I am in this country illegally. Celebrate my presense by granting me the boon of a legal license of driving!" Wouldn't that DMV employee have some obligation to tell INS, "Hey, found one!" and pass on the info, name, address, etc., all in a neat bundle. If they didn't, would that make them accomplices after the fact? It's a Federal crime, they know it, they're aiding and abetting, or some such. Help, where are the lawyers?

I do not understand the argument, and I'm usually very good at seeing both sides of an issue. Christ, I was trained to talk calmly and, uh, rationally to people who had a gun to their head and wanted to pull the trigger. Now that is an exercise in seeing both sides of an argument. "Well, sure, I can see how you might want to reconstitute most of your brains into a vaporous cloud, but...."

This argument I do not understand. Legal immigrants go through rings of fire, an obstacle course of bureaucratic indifference. So now a growing group slips in illegally and demands the same rewards. Hell, we even have a president wanting to grant millions of them immunity, instant citizenship. Poof, you are one! All those here legally now can feel a great big slap across their face. "Thank you for your efforts, you big, stupid law-abiding dope. We love you, you make it all possible."

I don't want to hear the line, "We are all descendants of immigrants." Ugh, stupid line and completely irrelevant. Or, more accurately, it proves that you can come here legally, work your way through the system, and get out into the great, wild, wooly, free enterprise system of the U.S. of A. Granting equal status to illegals, or any status other than deportation, makes a mockery of all the legals already here, or on their way.