Ray bought his Harley

Ray? Oh, sorry. Ray is my oldest and dearest friend in the Known Universe. That's not to say I don't have other close friends, but Ray and I have known each other since we were stroller age...literally. Ups and downs, ins and outs, we know where each other's skeletons are buried. If either of us ever becomes a billionaire, the other is assured a comfortable retirement simply because of the amount of, er, coercive material each has on the other. In a friendly way, of course.

In any event, Ray bought his Harley. I have a BMW. Does this mean we're now friendly adversaries?

Neither of us found much joy in the assortment of Japanese motorcycles out there, for distinct and different reasons. For myself, there's a certain, homogenized sameness to everything that comes out of Japan, which might not be a bad thing but is certainly a dull thing. There are always exceptions. The assorted crotch rockets (rice rockets?) that Yamaha, Honda, Suzuki, and Kawasaki produce are enough sheer "ohmigod" to cause cardiac failure for 90% of the world's population. I doubt if Osama bin Laden himself could handle the strain of seeing 170mph in less time than most cars can cover the standing quarter mile. (Hey! Maybe that's the answer the terrorism. Terrorize 'em via crotch rockets!)

So what did he buy? He found some poor fool who needed out from under his motorcycle loan, and taking advantage of the tearful lad, Ray is now the joyful owner of a Harley-Davidson FLHTCI Electra Glide Classic in two-tone red and black. I'm not sure of the year, either a 2000 or 2001, but it does have the TC88 motor. Fuel-injected. Headers. A few other mods. He hasn't shown it to me yet, though I'm the one who spotted the ad in the Sacramento Bee for him, ungrateful lout. Mine is a 2000 BMW K1200LT Custom in Canyon Red Metallic, equipped with all the bells and whistles you can find in motorcycling, including power window (well, windshield). And I think it may be too much.

There's something rather elemental about a Harley, and that may be a good thing, especially if you believe in Low and Slow. Typically I do not. When I got my Beemer, I preferred, er, Fast. No surprise, considering its country of origin, but the BMW will go hundreds of miles at just about any speed you care to dial in. While the new Honda Gold Wing (the GL1800 model) can stomp it in the quarter mile, most reviews still maintain that the Beemer has the edge for sustained high-speed cruising.

But where in the US of A would you engage in "sustained high-speed cruising"? Well....

Anyway, Ray's Harley hardly qualifies for "low and slow," having a number of mods that sounds like they add up to at least a Stage I tune, if not a full Stage II. Those in the know understand, the rest will have to guess. It means that the stock motor isn't, that the standard horsepower has been augmented, and that Ray's Harley is more than capable of giving my Beemer a run for its money...at least in a straight line. Heaven help him if he needs to hit the brakes! Or turn. Muhaha!