Wise Words From A Cop

I was browsing old documents and found this gem.

Wise Words From a Cop, About Cops:

Watch out for the CSI effect. There is no machine that we can drop an eyelash into and come up with the DNA profile, fingerprints and mug shot of the owner in 2 minutes.

When you see an emergency vehicle behind you with its lights and sirens on, pull to the RIGHT, and stop. We are usually required to pass cars on the left.

When you're driving in the fast lane and you see a cop behind you, don't go 5 mph under the speed limit. We are not impressed by how safe a driver you can be. We're trying to go help someone (or catch that guy in the SUV that just cut you off). Safely move over and let us pass by you, please.

If you get a warning instead of a ticket from a motorcycle cop, go buy a lottery ticket, because you've already beaten the odds.

When you see an officer conducting a traffic stop, or with a suspect in handcuffs, it is generally not a good idea to approach him/her and ask for directions. If you do, don't expect the officer to be nice when he/she tells you to get lost, and don't expect the officer to take the time to explain.

If a cop causes a car accident we usually get a ticket, and sometimes we get suspended. When is the last time you got 3 days off [without pay] for rear-ending a guy at Wal-Mart?

If you think you can fan all the pot smoke out of the car before we smell it, good luck.

We know you've had more than 2 beers. I've never had two beers, then hit six parked cars and driven my car through the front doors of a Toys-R-Us, pissed my pants, and passed out with my foot on the gas.

Here's how to get out of a ticket: Don't break the law in the first place.

If you drive a piece of junk car, this is why you're getting pulled over:

In one week I pulled over 10 cars for minor equipment violations.
5 out of 10 had no vehicle insurance,
3 out of 10 had suspended driver's licenses,
2 out of 10 had warrants,
1 out of 10 had felony warrants,
...and 1 was a known sex offender with his 12 year old niece in the car without her mothers knowledge.

If you've just been pulled over doing 70 in a 35, Do Not greet the officer with, "What seems to be the problem, officer?"

We get coffee breaks too, and sometimes we run into stores and do some shopping during them.

When you're the victim of a burglary take the time you spend waiting for the officer to find the model #'s and the serial #'s of the stuff that was taken.

Some cops are just jerks, but take heart in the fact that other cops don't like them either.

If it's nighttime and you're driving a vehicle with tinted windows and I pull you over, it's not because of your skin color. I usually can't tell if the vehicle even has a driver until the window is rolled down.

Cops make mistakes, and sometimes they are big mistakes.

Some cops are bad, and sometimes they're real bad.

Every time you hear on the news about people running away from a crazed gunman, someone's son or daughter in a police uniform is running TOWARD that crazed gunman.

Yes, it's true, cops usually don't give other cops speeding tickets. Think of it as an employee discount, perk or benefit, and unless you're a habitual speeder all you ever get is a fine.

If your local police agency has a helicopter everyone knows it's loud and annoying, but did you know it can cover the same area as 15-20 patrol officers, and safely chase criminals that are driving 90 MPH through city streets? Many times the guy has no idea it's there and slows down.

Your 5 year old kid getting pushed down by another 5 year old kid IS NOT a police matter; talk to the other kids parents.

If your kid won't do his homework or do his chores, 911 is not the answer for a uninformed second-string parent.

Police work is...writing reports.

If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but I get to see a K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep the $20.

In one year of patrol work in a large city only about 10 minutes would be cool enough to be on the television show, COPS. But if COPS was about report writing and accident reports each show would be a year long.

Every traffic stop could end in gunfire, but we have to be polite and professional until that time. [For emphasis: CHP Officer Andy Stevens, CHP Officer Earl Scott, Sacramento County Sheriff's Deputy Jeffrey Mitchell...all shot and killed during the proverbial -- and non-existent -- "routine" traffic stop.]

I've taken about the same amount of men/women to jail for domestic violence, so NO, it's not always the man.

People love fire fighters.

If you find crack pipes in the ladies purse, there is a good chance they belong to her.

Cops know you pay taxes and that your taxes pay cops' salaries. Cops also pay taxes, which also pay cops' salaries so, hey, this traffic stop is on me. Now sign here; press hard, you're making five copies.

And as they say, here endeth the lesson.