A modest proposal: Invade!

I have a modest proposal regarding "comprehensive immigration reform". The answer to approximately 60% of the illegal immigration problem is clear. I'm not quite sure how to clean up the remaining 40%, but the majority, that 60%, can be handled simply by invading Mexico. The 31 separate Mexican states would then be incorporated into the existing 50, making for 81 United States of America. (The next logical step would then be to take over Canada, forming the United States of North America, but that's for another day.)

Let's face facts. Illegals come swarming up out of Mexico because of corruption, crime, and unemployment within Mexico. They come here for work which they can't find there, and in general they don't get shot for talking back to their supervisor. They work within a pseudo-hidden economy that is kept from view because "pro immigration" groups like it that way. These speakers for the little guy co-opt opponents of illegal immigration, like the late Caesar Chavez, in an effort to divert our attention from their own profiteering.

Corruption within Mexico reaches its tentacles into the United States. Illegals come here, get ensnared into working for slave wages, and in turn send over half of their earnings back to Mexico. Thus, billions of dollars are pumped into a dysfunctional Mexican economy to give it the illusion of "thriving". In order to keep this revenue flow intact, "pro immigration" tools fight all attempts to assimilate these workers into US society.

All this and more is solved if we point our military south, smile in that grand tradition of Teddy Roosevelt, and shout, "Charge!" We can even claim self-defense and retaliation because it's clear that they've already invaded us. Hola, Generalissimo, meet the A-10 Warthog!

Several immediate benefits come to mind. Mexicans will be introduced to what history reveals is the true engine of liberty and freedom, personal property rights. The few families that currently hold sway over all Mexican land will find themselves expunged. New land grants will be opened and history shows that as more and more people get to own the land they work, more and more people will discover freedom.

Ah, capitalism in all its glory.

Each of the 31 former Mexican states will establish their own, new state constitutions, and via incorporation their citizens will enjoy the benefits derived from the US Constitution's Bill of Rights. From such humble beginnings, the rule of law will sweep the land. Certainly some corruption will continue -- we're talking humans here, so perfection is an impossibility -- but for 90+% this will be a new age of liberty, freedom, and personal opportunity.

The existing 50 United States will benefit in ways too numerous to count. First, all of those Mexican illegals will, duh, become legal US citizens. They will immediately be entitled to at least the minimum wage. All those employers who heretofore kept the illegal employment secret...well, oopsee for them. All the authority and power of law enforcement can now descend on their sweat shops and the horrific "living" conditions they foist upon these workers. Turning a willfully blind eye and withholding enforcement will no longer be an option.

Next, the country as a whole will reap the benefit of acquiring the rights and assets of a standing member of OPEC. That's right, Mexico is an oil exporting country! Oh, sure, the various environmental moonbats will attempt to choke off this source of oil, much as they've choked off access to existing US oil supplies, but in the meanwhile we'll all reap the benefit of this oil supply. And speaking of those moonbats, we'll be doing them a favor because we can choke off (no pun intended) all those gross polluters that the current, corrupt Mexican government endorses.

The benefits go on and on. Did I even mention tequila? We'd finally have an adult beverage to bitch slap the world with, especially France. Keep your foo-foo champagne, Frenchie, we've got the holy agave plant!

One more benefit: Much of this country would learn a new and proper way to cook. Food is allowed to have character, people, and while I often can't stand the heat, the heavenly glory of chicken mole must be allowed to sweep the land. Ladies and gentlemen, spices are your friend. Fusing this with existing American barbeque will establish a new, possibly dominant world cuisine. Again, take that, ya lousy French chef, you and your cheesy sauces!

We would then only have to deal with the illegal immigration issue that Mexico is currently dealing with. Namely, all those illegals flooding up across Mexico's southern border the southern state borders of Chiapas, Tabasco, Campeche, and Quintana Roo. But, hey, we've got some experience with that problem, and it's a much smaller border.

This, my friends, is truly comprehensive immigration reform.